[Subtitles by danielsangeo]
I thought I'd like this calm. And
I do, but it's making me nervous.
Like, a plane's going to pass by overhead
in five minutes and just bomb me.
That's what I'd do if I wasn't me.
But thankfully I do not
have to worry about that!
Being me, that is. The bomb
thing could still be real.
Yes, an outsider might be tempted to say it
sucks to be me, but that's a common mistake.
It's still awesome being me. What
sucks is everything AROUND me.
And on that, they'd have a point.
Truth be told, I'm still not
thinking outside the box enough.
Really, I'm just moving
from one box to another box.
Shouldn't be surprised when I feel boxed in.
But this self-help box
bullshit doesn't mean much
when you die if you touch
the sides of the box.
So no shit I'm still in the box!
What I NEED to do is get off the grid.
Though that's easier...said than
done. That's...really the worst part.
...for people to come kill me, ever since...
Jeez, I guess since
Bobby took my LEGOs.
That was when it first dawned on me.
And of course SUSPECTING
people want to kill me
versus them actually taking a
shot at it, yeah that's new.
But even that's not as bad as the tracking.
I mean, they're probably
watching me right now.
...if not the aliens, then the CIA,
waiting to push me back into the ring.
I need to fake my own
death--that's the way out of this.
But see, that's going to be a problem.
If I do that, I've gotta do it right.
NO! IT'S CLOSING! SOMEBODY SHUT IT
BEHIND ME! THEY MUST HAVE BEEN HIDING!
I THOUGHT I GOT EVERYB--oof!
Oh my God, this is so bad!
I'M BOXED IN! IT'S NOT
JUST A METAPHOR ANYMORE!
Tell me this goes somewhere!
It has to! It fucking has to!
Yeah, hi! You're like a kite, but evil.
What the hell? That doesn't look good!
[explosions]
Doesn't sound good either!
[Hunter-Chopper firing]
WUAAAAHHH! AAAAAA!
THAT DOESN'T STOP BEING TERRIFYING!
Oh no, does the channel end?!
IT CAN'T! I WON'T LET IT!
C'MON, GRAVITY! DON'T LET ME DOWN NOW!
[explosions]
WAIT, NO! LET ME DOWN!
YES! GOOD! I'M A GOOD HAMSTER!
[Hunter-Chopper firing]
OH! HO! HO! HO! HOOOO!
YEAH! I GET IT! I'M GOING! DON'T
FUCKING RUSH ME! I'M NERVOUS AS IT IS!
[Hunter-Chopper charging]
A tunnel!
[Hunter-Chopper firing]
AAAAH! Oof!
SEE?! I MISSED! YOU'RE NOT HELPING!
YOU'RE JUST ANOTHER STUPID BACKSEAT DRIVER
WHO THINKS HE KNOWS
EVERYTHING AND YOU DON'T!
I HAD TO DEAL WITH PEOPLE
LIKE YOU MY ENTIRE LIFE
AND NOW YOU HAVE AN
ATTACK-CHOPPER! FUCK EVERYTHING!
Okay... I need a minute...
Ugh, it smells like ass in here.
Let's keep going. Maybe he'll get confused.
Oh, only one exit. That's not promising.
No, it's not. It's this way.
Wait! There IS no "this way"!
[Hunter-Chopper firing]
WAAAAA AAAAH!
Oh, this is it! He's in a perfect
position! Nothing but kill shots!
All it takes is one in my head and I'm done!
Why is he hesitating? Maybe he's
confused why I'm not dead yet.
[explosions]
He's dropping those deluxe cherry bombs again.
I don't know why;
they're not very effective.
They're about what I would expect
from higher-end fireworks, y'know?
[Hunter-Chopper firing]
AAAAAAAAHHH!
THAT WASN'T A COMPLAINT! THE BOMBS ARE FINE!
LET'S KEEP GOING WITH THE BOMB
GAME! YOU SEEM TO LIKE IT!
I admit I'm surprised how many
you seem to have, actually!
Oh look! See, almost got me there! Ha ha!
Yeah, just stop shooting me, and I think
we'll have a good working relationship here.
Actually, these are starting
to give me a headache,
but that's so small, it's
almost not worth mentioning.
In fact, I feel like I've really
gained a lot of perspective on just...
...horrible and terrible things
happening to me over and over again.
What are those bombs, though?
At first, I thought they were
depth charges, but they float.
Wow, and how many of those does he have?
[Hunter-Chopper charging]
IT'S SPINNING UP!
[Hunter-Chopper firing]
NO! NO! NO!
JUST STOP IT! STOP TRYING TO KILL ME!
EVERYBODY ELSE WHO'S TRIED
TO KILL ME IS EITHER DEAD
OR ONE OF US WOULD'VE MOVED ON BY NOW!
YOU'RE LIKE SOME CRAZY STALKER EX!
GOD DAMMIT! WHY DID THE SPOOK
HAVE TO TAKE MY ROCKET LAUNCHER?!
Okay! Maybe he knew I
would've used it before now!
WEL NOW IS THE TIME!
NOW IS THE FUCKING TIME!
I get two SECONDS of peace here.
Oh, shit. There's a thought.
Yeah, I'd better keep moving.
What if CIA himself is
the one in the helicopter?
No wonder he'd want to take my weapons!
Wh-whoa! Whoa-hoo! Hooo..hooo...!
Oh--No! Stop! AAAAH!
Okay, don't...no! NO! Yes! Oh boy!
But yeah, that would be ten kinds of
messed up if he was the pilot, too.
That would mean none of this is real;
it's all just an excuse to hunt me.
[Hunter-Chopper firing]
BLAAAAAH!
Okay, somebody had my idea!
[multiple explosions]
Oh God! Just get me out of here!
So, if he's trying to kill me,
that would be a high level of
deception even for the CIA.
Actually, wait. If he's been lying
to me, why not lie about everything?
DON'T FLIP THE BOAT! RULE NUMBER ONE!
C'mon...go! Go go go go GO!
[Hunter-Chopper firing]
WUAAAAH!
STOP! THAT WAS SO CLOSE TO MY HEAD!
BUT YEAH! HE TALKED ABOUT HIS EMPLOYERS!
HOW DO I KNOW IF EVEN THAT'S TRUE?!
WHAT IF THERE ARE NO EMPLOYERS?!
WHAT IF HE'S THE EMPLOYER?!
BECAUSE IT'S NOT ENOUGH TO HUNT ME FOR BLOOD
SPORT! HE WANTS TO PLAY HIS MIND GAMES, TOO!
THAT'S WHY HE ONLY
SHOOTS ME SOME OF THE TIME!
CHRIST! GET THIS CRAP OUT OF HERE!
CONGRATULATIONS! YOU WON
A BOAT! HAPPY SAILING!
[Hunter-Chopper firing]
DYAAAAGH!
Oh my God! This is breaking me!
YEAH, HE SAYS HE HAS EMPLOYERS
BECAUSE THAT'S THE PERFECT EXCUSE!
'IT'S NOT ME DOING THIS TO YOU!
I'M JUST FOLLOWING ORDERS!'
IT'S LIKE HE WATCHED THE NUREMBERG TRIALS,
THEN TOOK THE EXACT WRONG LESSON FROM THAT!
[Hunter-Chopper firing]
Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!
YOU MISSED, YOU SON OF A BITCH!
YEAH, YOU'RE FOLLOWING
ORDERS! ORDERS FROM YOURSELF!
THEN YOU CAN TURN AROUND AND PRETEND LIKE
YOU'RE ON MY SIDE, YOU RATFUCK PSYCHO!
That's it! I'm out! I'm done!
I'm fucking done! No more!
OOOH HOO HOO HOO! MAKE IT
STOP! JUST MAKE IT ALL STOP!
I changed my mind!
I don't want to be a pilot!